As some of you know, i’ve been REALLY struggling lately with both my mental and physical health. Both make the other worse so it’s been a really rough couple of months. I had my annual COPD review last week and my lungs have deteriorated, which i was expecting tbh, but it still knocked me sideways. My Fibro has also got worse, as have my pain levels. I’m usually so good at managing my health problems but these past few months? Yeah, not so much. My mental state has really taken a nosedive too. I’ve almost completely withdrawn from literally everyone other than the people i have to see every day at work an isolating myself hasn’t helped one little bit. It’s all got just that little bit too much.

So, when I went for my COPD check, Lisa (the most awesome nurse in the entire world) got me to talk about shit because she could see i wasn’t right and I was her last appointment of the day so she said she had all the time i needed. I vomited it all out and she immediately took charge. She booked me in for bloods, which I had on Friday, and booked me in a double appointment with her fave doctor in the surgery. Every doctor i’ve seen over the past 12 months has either brushed me off with painkillers or told me that all my problems are because i’m fat. So i got tired of trying and just gave up. Lisa assures me that the doctor i’m seeing on the 7th is amazing and actually listens to her patients. I had my blood work down for all the inflammation markers, thyroid and vit d, so with any luck the inflammation markers will come back worse than usual and I might just FINALLY get the referral to a neurologist that i’ve been asking for for at least the last 6 years. I’m also going to ask her to refer me to the mental health team again so that i can get my brain back on track. I think i may need a change in meds for a little while on that front too.

I spent all of yesterday under a pile of blankets on my sofa sleeping and watching tv because it hurt too much to do anything else. I know that i’ve caused this flare, which i’m beyond pissed at myself about. I’ve been a stubborn fuckwit and been pushing myself WAY too hard lately. I’ve ignored each and every warning sign because i was refusing to admit just how sick I am. I’ve also been feeding my body nothing but sugar and processed crap and now i’m paying for it BIG time. I’ve been awful to my body, i really have, and now my body has shut down for the time being.

So, this morning i’ve been doing research as well as putting a plan together for some recovery. It’s back onto my mostly raw, vegan diet, lots more water and gradually introducing some yoga back into my routine. I want to get my blood results back and see the Doc before I introduce any cardio and weights back in.

Its going to be a slow hard slog to get back to where i was 6 months ago, but it’s doable. I just need to get everything slotted into place for a solid recovery plan and then i can start moving forward again. Thank you to everyone who has been so patient and understanding – i see you and i appreciate you, even if i haven’t been showing it of late.  I love you.